My gorgeous girlfriend in the UK - Salli - is one of those people who loves to send me funny emails ... and given that I am still struggling with an especially recalcitrant blog entry, here - just out of the inbox - are some jokes which made me laugh. I hope they make you laugh too.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs: "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said: "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," said his wife, "just get out!"
A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy!"
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful!" he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
His wife stared at him. " What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, " I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
The last joke reminds me of a time when, while enjoying a holiday in WA's Margaret River with a very dear friend, my ... yes, self-esteem barely survived an especially memorable drive from our hotel to a local restaurant for dinner. The memories, perhaps ominously for the driver on that particular occasion, are flooding back in almost finite detail!
2 comments:
Yes, but you didn't mention the masterfully driven swerve to miss a marauding Kangaroo, clearly on crack, only to be wiped out by a later passer by. Incidentally, the lovely wine glass you gave me lasted till this past summer gone, when I knocked it from its perch in my Black Forest loft whilst waving from the first floor window at a particularly pretty local boy. "Good on ya, champ....and I wanna suck your cock." This time, he didn't hear me, but the glass of 8 Songs Shiraz and the lovely vessel it was placed in went splat in a major way. Fucking men, nothing but trouble.
Right-io Comments Readers, so there's no points for guessing who 'the driver on that particular occasion' was ... but I am sorry to hear about the fate of the lovely memento. Just how enthusiastic was this whole body acknowledgement of the local assets? Be careful Snidley. We don't want you on crutches for the cruise!
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